Let's face it: Even the nice smelling pipe tobaccos aren't terribly pleasant when stale smoke from countless smokes has enveloped the room. I love pipe smoking, but even I'm not fond of having everything in the place smelling of smoke. And as much as I love the weed, I'm also not desperate enough to stand shivering outside in the dead of winter for an hour or so at a time. So what do to?

Air Cleaners

If you have a big enough dwelling, perhaps you'll be lucky enough to have a small room where you can smoke in peace and won't contaminate your closetful of clothes and baby's room. Or if you're like me, you don't. In that case, even a room where the main lighting comes from smoker's candles won't help much. You'll need an air cleaner.

A bit of research over the Internet will soon reveal that most places that sell air cleaners come off like greasy used car salesmen. Usually they're touting their particular type of cleaner—typically HEPA over electronic. And the hype can be pretty convincing ... especially since they tend do most of their lying by the sin of omission. So what to get?

HEPA vs. Electronic

Consumer Reports, that venerable watchdog, doesn't even bother to distinguish the difference between HEPA and electronic (provided it's an electronic precipitator) in its report. Both are both quite effective at removing smoke from the air. Even the saleslady at Sears (the only place I found in town with a decent selection) didn't differentiate between the two in terms of effectiveness. Perhaps the main difference can be stated simply: Do you have more time or more money?

I'm not about to go into the gory details of how they work; you can discover that for yourself for homework. I'm sticking to the practical side, and it is this: HEPA air filters (actually, if you buy one, best make sure it's True HEPA) cost quite a bit of money to replace—an average of $50-100 depending on brand and size. Fortunately, the filter only needs to be changed about once a year depending on the environment. An electronic air cleaner filter, on the other hand, is permanent. You never need to buy a new one. You do, however, have to clean it at least once a month with detergent in warm water and allow it to dry. (Furnace air cleaners, incidentally, are not very effective with smoke.)

So, there you have it. If you're not willing to do the cleaning, don't buy the electronic cleaner; particularly since it becomes less and less effective the dirtier it gets. On the other hand, if you're willing to spend the extra bucks every year then get a HEPA filter and, by all means, save yourself the time and effort of cleaning the filter every month.

Bigger is Better

So, you've make your choice: Now to buy your cleaner. Which model? Well, the aged Consumer Reports ratings are of no help since most models are either discontinued or not available locally. But you can rest assured that no matter which brand you buy, bigger is normally better. It's far better to buy a cleaner meant for a larger room and run it on it's lower, quieter setting than buy a tiny one and be forced to blare it all day long merely to clear the room after one bowl of tobacco.

For the record, though lazy I be, I'm even poorer, so I opted to purchase the largest of the electronic air precipitators at Sears; namely the Kenmore C39253: It's made for rooms up to 18x18ft and can handle over 6 air changes per hour on its highest setting. (It retails for about $450.00 but I grabbed it on sale for $360.00). But, as with everything, your mileage may vary.

The Optimal Room

The room itself does, indeed, play an important role on how effective any cleaner will be. If your chosen smoking den happens to have curtains, shag rugs and finely uphostlered chairs than you can count on all of these things absorbing plenty of odours no matter how many cleaners you have going. The smoking lounge at the defunct Cuban Connection, on the other hand, is an example of the ideal setting: Marble floor, bare walls and leather recliners. (Why? Because leather doesn't absorb odours as easily.) So, if possible, try to furnish your room appropriately.

The Way of the Cleaner

Lastly, the technique. This is the way I once heard others do it, and is, indeed, the model I've affected: Place a damp towel at the base of the door to keep the smoke in the room. Crack a window if it's an option. While smoking, keep your air cleaner on low (so you can hear yourself think). When you're done, put the air cleaner on its highest setting and leave the room (door shut, of course) for about half-an-hour. Then bring it back down again to its normal setting. Voila!

The Last Word

Having said all this, even given a powerful cleaner and the ideal room components you should hardly expect your room to be devoid of any traces of smoke. But hopefully you'll have reached a compromise where you needn't forgo your hobby during those cold winter months—or have your friends mysteriously stop visiting you in your wretched, smoke-filled abode.

For further research, the best resource I found was Consumer Search and I highly recommend making a visit.

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